This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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