He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
