I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
