True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
