So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
