Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
