This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
