I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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