When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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