just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
