Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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