Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
