i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
