apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
