just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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