fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize