hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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