He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
