You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they're like a gay fantastic four
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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