After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I touched a dick in church today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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