I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
