Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
third nipple confirmed
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
