i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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