Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Less talking, more tequila
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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