Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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