It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
