He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
