she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
