I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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