You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
no, he came in my armpit
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
