Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
