Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
