does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
