i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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