fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
