actually, I'm a sock model
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
