Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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