I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
