Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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