Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
