She said her name was "party"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
