Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
