fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
