I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
