so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
