the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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