I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
