Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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