you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
