god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
