I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
