my vag is so smooth its legendary
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
