no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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