Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
