Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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