I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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