i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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