Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
