Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
