Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
