Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
