No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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