They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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