it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
