Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
