what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
