State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
