If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
