I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Pants 0. Shit 1.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
