When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
