I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
