Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im holly from the hills drunk
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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