Don't you send me to vm
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
