she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Panties = found
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
