Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
its liver damage thursday
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
