Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
