i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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