Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
