he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
